Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
