I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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