Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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