Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
