fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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