'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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