just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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