Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
