Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
