I wish I could punch you in the face.
You can't motorboat a personality
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
