At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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