He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
