Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
