Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
