The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
