who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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