he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
