I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
