I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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