this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
