I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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