I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he fucked my hip out of place.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
