i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
