It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
