Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
