I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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