im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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