This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
