I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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