I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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