fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
