Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
