so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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