hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
