My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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