yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
