i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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