he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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