he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
