If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
