I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
only if we run a train.
done.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were trust falling into bushes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
