That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
