You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
