we have pet lesbian snakes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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