two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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