You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
