she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
