allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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