Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
