i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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